Using Narrative Mediation to Manage Conflict

Often when parties in a conflict are stuck and entrenched, they are attached to one narrative about the other person. They then see everything through the lens of that narrative. In these cases, the role of the mediator is to deconstruct that narrative subtly. Here are some questions that can help change the narrative in entrenched conflicts. 

Hopes for the Future

• Do you have the motivation to make a shift?
• What is the type of relationship you would like to have?
• If you could change this pattern, what would be possible?
• If you could deal with each other with respect like you are here, what would be possible that is not now?
• Are you willing to continue adjusting to the growing deterioration of trust, or are you interested in doing some damage control by building some trust?
• Is there anything from back then that can give you hope that you will be able to find your way out of the current difficulties?

What’s Not Broken

• What have things been like when you haven’t been in crisis?
• Was there a time when things were different before this problem came along?
• It sounds like the conflict has led you into saying and doing things that have been quite painful. I was wondering about how you have handled these issues in your best moment.
• Have you experienced any lulls in the dispute when things have gone better for a time?

The Impact of the Conflict

• Are there ways the conflict has gotten you to act out of character?
• What does not trusting lead to?
• How stressful is all of this?
• How much are you in charge, and how much does blame have its own way?

Meaning Making

• What does he asking you to do that mean to you?
• How do you make sense of the fact that you are both able to work together so well here?
• Help me understand the significance of . . .
• What are your ideas about how people should behave in these circumstances? Where did you get those ideas?
• What are your views about . . ..?
• How significant is it that . . ?
• If you feel that trust has been violated, on the basis of what principle do you make that judgment?
• Does that make a difference?

Making the Conflict the Problem

• So things are going pretty well, and then this crisis comes up and creates hell for both of you. It deteriorates your ability to communicate and makes it hard to trust?
• What did this argument get you thinking about the other person?
• What role has blame played in the continuation of the conflict?
• To what extent do you think the blame is stopping you from resolving this?