Conflict Resolution Tips: 13 Ways Mediators Support the People

Many people informally “mediate” disputes. They are looking to increase their toolbox of mediation skills. In general, mediators support the people, lead the process, and help the parties solve the problems. In this blog, I have thirteen specific tools mediators use to support people. 

1.    Summarizing helps people track complex conversations with multiple topics

2.    Paraphrasing helps people know that you are listening and tracking what is most important to them

3.    Asking Questions that:

a.    Explore interests

b.    Gather data

c.     Test reality

4.    Normalizing and labeling hard emotions—of course, it is frustrating. Saying this without blame can help soften it

5.    Praising and encouraging—when participants are working hard and making progress, it is very helpful to say it.

6.    Clarifying—frequently, conflict increases due to misunderstanding. Mediators can clarify things that are unclear and could be understood differently by different parties

7.    Using Neutral Language ensures the mediator will be trusted

8.    Reframing Attacks—To create a safe space, mediators need to honestly name challenges while also refocusing the parties on future solutions. 

9.    Working with Power Differences—Power sometimes affects mediation. Sometimes addressing power differences is best done in a one-on-one meeting.

10. Allowing the parties to save face—Even when pushing parties, it is crucial to allow them to save face. Separating intentions and impact is one way to do this. 

11. Exploring the party’s goals—Parties want to know that the mediator “gets it.” Exploring what is most important to them helps ensure that you “get it.”

12. Taking a Break—If it is too heated, stepping away for a bit can be supportive.

13. Balancing participation—If one person is doing most of the talking, it may be hard to come to an agreement. Interrupting is sometimes necessary to balance participation.