Conflict Management: Listening Exercises to do on Your Own

It is rare for people to feel really listened to and still experience conflict as a negative experience. Listening helps resolve conflicts, build teams, and improve employee morale—yet when we most need to listen, many of us seem unable to. As someone once said to me, “It’s not that I don’t know what to do. It’s that I don’t do what I know.” So, in this blog I offer some exercises to flex your listening muscles and improve your listening skills.

• Listen to a radio or TV talk show that has the opposite views from your own. Be aware of how your knee-jerk reactions are keeping you from listening. Work to process information contrary to your beliefs without becoming defensive or argumentative. Try to see that views that are not yours are not necessarily wrong, they are just another view. See how focused and concentrated your listening can become. Discuss what you heard with a friend and see how fairly you can represent the views you do not agree with.

• Tape yourself talking on the phone. Notice how often you use filler words such as “Uhm”. Notice any habits of speech you have developed. Think about what you might like to try to do differently to become a better listener.

• If you work with clients, it is generally easier to work with them if you have a relationship with them. Work on getting to know your clients. Try to remember their names and learn things about them. Set goals for yourself on how many new names and people you will get to know and remember each week. 

• Try getting into the other person’s story. If your mind starts to drift, return to the other person’s story, almost as though you are watching a movie or reading a great novel. Be curious. See how much you can learn about their story without talking about yourself. 

This list was drawn in part from The Zen of Listening, by Rebecca Shafir

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